Plot Outline
After an undercover antique deal gets ruined by an idiot pair of low-lifes, a mummified alien comes back to life and is let loose on a psych ward filled with unsuspecting, stunning nymphomaniacs.
Review Summary
With about as much depth as a puddle, "Petrified" leaves something to be desired. And by "something" I mean everything. Mummified alien + Nymphos = A completely WTF movie.
The Review
This movie is a combination of a sci-fi movie, a thriller and a soft-core porno. Unfortunately none of them are any good. The main character, Buzz, is an undercover "X-Files" type agent attempting to recover the remains of a mummified alien body and a severed hand. Things start out with an exchange with literally the only black guy in the movie. But, as with everything, things go awry and the alien mummy brought back to life, Buzz escapes into an institution established to treat nymphomania, naturally, we have a lesbian love scene and this is within the first 15 minutes.
Buzz's fellow agents Shelly and Tanner try to figure out what's happened with the kind of acting that makes "Passions" seem award-winning. In the midst of this potentially fatal position, Agent Tanner thinks this is the perfect time to ask Agent Shelly, his superior, who plays the stereotypical "cold woman" role if the alien "kills" people by staring into their eyes and they turn into a block of cement? Despite the impending doom, the naturally beautiful nympho's can't seem to keep their hands off each other. Then Garth, the obligatory asshole that films like these seem to always have, and also last but certainly least is Dr. Horatio Von Gelder who reveals that he is using the nymphos to establish a proverbial fountain of youth through sex.
Now, there are some good things about this film. The cinematography is okay and there is the occasional funny dialogue, sometimes unintentionally. The monster itself looks nice, albeit that it reminds me a little of "The creature from the black lagoon" only to discover that it can be killed with simple salt. The ending is the definition of anti-climatic. In a nutshell, if you can avoid "Petrified" do so.