Whatever happened to sex being a beautiful thing? It’s either the subject of disgust or a product of gluttony and “Teeth” will not help this discussion. I think every man and lesbian will squirm during this movie, no doubt, as “Teeth” is a bizarre cautionary tale about premarital sex and the fear of sexual discovery. Move over Jason Voorhees. Who needs a masked killer, killing horny teenage kids when you have a killer vagina?

Yes, as campy or strange as it sounds, “Teeth” is about a vagina with, um, teeth. But director Mitchell Lichtenstein handles the material better tan you’d think given the plot synopsis, as he always trending a fine line between laughs and horror.

The titled, toothed vagina is part of Dawn (Jess Weixler) who has stepped right out of the Brady Bunch. She’s conservatively clothed, smart but naive at the same time, and a bit giddy about life. She’s a member of Promise, an abstinence group preaching about waiting for your marriage to partake in any sexual acts and proudly wears t-shirts proclaiming her ideals. Her image and ideas aren’t well liked in our modern age of premarital sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll so she’s constantly made fun of. That all changes when a new boy, Tobey (Hale Appleman), comes in town takes a liking to her and she starts imagining marriage with him.

Like I said, director Lichtenstein handles the humor, sometimes tongue-in-cheek, the other times darkly, with the horror and for any heterosexual male, a severed penis is probably the most horrific thing imaginable. So “Teeth” works as a parable about abstinence, not taking any sides of pros or cons, but let’s just say, men…let’s not be so hasty. The film also works as a modern retelling of the Vagina Dentata, a popular myth retold countless times throughout various cultures as a warning about sex with strange women and at times as a cautionary castration tale. Boy, oh boy, would Sigmund Freud have a field day with this film. Subtly hidden between these two themes, are plenty of vagina jokes and visual gags. You’ll see caves and trees looking like vaginas, poster of Georgia O’Keefe’s work, and other puns that’ll have you laughing.

But as good as the premise is the film’s main antagonist to Dawn is weakly characterized, hurting the film from truly soaring. Dawn’s step-brother has always loved her. But Brad is a raging misogynist, a stereotypical metal-head who listens to death metal, has tattoos, and smokes dope. I had a hard time looking beyond that rather typical caricature. He’s rude and foul to everyone; his dad, step-mother, and his girlfriend. I don’t mind if a character is rude or misogynistic but add some purpose to it. Brad is just a bad apple or was there a reason to his sourness? By adding more weight to him, we will have a good counter to Dawn, a sweet, level-headed but confused girl. You know that Brad will get his come-upping but by adding more meat to his character it would’ve been more of a bang than the whimper the film ends on. The film has a point and it makes it clear, but I don’t think it made it as clear as it thinks it did.

Nonetheless, “Teeth” has been one of the more talked about horror films as of late, mostly because it’s a killer vagina movie. In turn, that what makes the film fun; it has a wild plot device and deep down it makes us curious, even if we fear the killer vagina. I’m sure some men and maybe even lesbian will think twice or even look twice after seeing this movie, because, hey, we love vaginas, but not killer vaginas with teeth.