Am I a traditionalist? Or have this generation of zombie films forgot about a little thing called rigor mortis? Ever since “28 Days Later” made their infected run, many other films about zombies have used this angle like it’s a reinvigorating idea to jump start the genre. Whatever, they say, but zombie movies have made such a huge impact in horror lately it’s hard to even think back when there was a year in horror without a zombie film. I’m all for it as the zombie subgenre is one of my favorites, but for every “Shaun of the Dead” or “Fido” we get a handful of crap. Which brings me to “Day of the Dead (2008)”, a loosely based remake of the controversial George A. Romero film from 1985.

First of all, a special note to filmmakers who are remaking a Romero film: stop it, you just don’t understand Romero’s work.

While Romero’s “Day of the Dead” isn’t a classic, it’s still a fabulous apocalyptic tale of humanity at its worst. Romero explore ideas within the construct of a zombie film and that what makes his films worthwhile to watch and what has made them stand the test of time. Grabbing a few basic elements from the Romero film, this rancid remake in name only, fails at anything new or fresh and is ultimately, a slap in the face to Romero.

The film begins with some teenagers in a secluded area, getting ready to practice premarital sex, which plays out like a “Friday the 13th” scenario while an outbreak of a cold/flu spreads in this small Colorado town. The scene feels odd within the zombie film. It’s a Steve Miner specialty though, as he has directed the first two “Friday the 13th” sequels and “Halloween: H2O”. As they head home the military has already declared martial law within the town and soon the symptoms turn the sick into zombies.

The film has many flaws; some that are so glaring it’s funny to think this film was flirting with a theatrical release. The look of the film feels like an episode of “24”, with its shaky camera technique and is edited like a “Saw” film, creating a cheap, gimmick-like approach to a film low on scares or suspense. But that’s the least of the film’s problems.

Blame Miner or the screenwriter, but the film has no direction. Does it want to be a siege film or an action horror film? Are they dead or infected? For the latter, there’s scene in which mimics “Night of the Living Dead”, in where a group of unrelated people take up shelter in a radio station, arguing about what to do, then it cuts back to the military blasting countless rounds into zombie with explosions plenty. As for the zombies, they flirt with them being the undead, then there’s scenes in which they are highly mobile like their maybe infected. I don’t know and neither does the filmmakers. It goes back to what I opened with, do filmmakers of zombie movies forget about rigor mortis because the zombies here leap and jump like Spider-Man to no rhyme or reason. On a side note, what’s with the DVD cover? A zombie puking? See? They have no clue to what type of zombie movie they are making.

The next big flaw is casting. Mena Suvari is cast as a tough-as-nails army officer, pushing believability to a near high (on par with casting Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist in “World’s Not Enough”). She’s game though and to be honest gives it her all, but this is no offense to her, she’s cast against type and it does not work. But, my friends, I will take her over Nick Cannon’s horrible acting. A common problem with casting rappers/singers as actors is that they play themselves, adding no depth to their character. While that would be hard since the film is written so shallow, but Cannon adds groan-inducing one-liners like “that was kinda gangsta” and adds an unneeded racial tension that adds no subtext or value in doing so. He’s horrible. Noticed how I didn’t mention the always awesome Ving Rhames? Exactly.

I’m not down on direct-to-DVD zombie films, as I enjoyed the brainless “Flight of the Living Dead” a lot, but I am opposed to zombie films like “Day of the Dead”. It’s an amateurish, clichéd, unoriginal film, not to mention that is tarnishes Romero’s brand. It’s one to avoid and champion to show future filmmakers of Romero’s work that they just don’t get it.