To adults, clowns have a sort of lasting effect just as creepy dolls do. You’re either scared shitless of them, or you embrace them for all their bizarre eeriness. “Killer Klowns from Outer Space,” “Clownhouse,” “IT” and even “The Clown at Midnight” succeeded in using our red-nosed friends in various ways, playing them out as aliens, loony bin escapees, a childhood boogeyman, or an opera-house haunting bozo. The title “Dead Clowns,” though admittedly not very original, still manages to spark up some interest in those with a penchant for gore inducing clowns. Unfortunately, it pretty much just pies the horror genre in the face.

The movie takes place in the small coastal town of Port Emmett, Florida where fifty years prior, a circus was (literally) coming to town when a hurricane caused a bridge to collapse. En route to the city, the circus cars were plunged into the water, namely the clown car, which was never actually recovered from the waters. Flash forward to the present and despite ANOTHER hurricane, the dead bodies of the clowns are emerging from the waters to wreak havoc on the citizens of Port Emmett who have long forgotten about them. It’s sort of like “Killer Klowns” meets “Shock Waves,” except unfortunately, the clowns aren’t Nazis. And this films isn't really good.

There are a few ups to this film. One, the idea of a horror film being set during a hurricane is pretty awesome. The streets are empty, the power is going in and out, and rain’s pouring everywhere. It’s a good concept for atmospheric effect. (Unfortunately it’s not really used to its full potential.) Secondly, some of the special effects are actually pretty good for a low-budget horror flick. Sure you can tell the severed limbs and bodies are props, but they look damn good compared to the rest of the film’s characteristics. Finally, clown zombies really aren’t a bad idea. Shit, it’s been a while since we had a good clown horror film. Again, the film doesn’t use it to its full potential.

And here we are…the downsides. The acting is shit, the cinematography is shit, and there are way too many little details that shouldn’t bother me but did anyway. Usually in a horror film, if the story is captivating, I’ll let little things slide. But already being bored by this film a quarter ways into it, I started to get a little nitpicky. These zombie clowns have emerged from below deep waters where there car was covered in mud and silt, but nonetheless, their suits are in perfect shape. Now, I wouldn’t complain about that if they were wearing creepy clown masks or face paint, but their faces are burnt charcoal and their bodies are skeletal. Now, I wouldn’t be complaining about that if the zombies didn’t bleed when they were injured or when they choose to eat the remains of their victims. You’re fucking skeletons in clown suits! The meat’s just going to fall right through your flappy pants leg, ya dumb shit!

I also like how the clowns seem to apparently attack only the stars of the movie and nobody else. These main characters are given no motivation or development whatsoever and only sit there and act as mere targets. The film also uses actual hurricane footage throughout which worked for about 2 minutes and then just began to look overdone and shoddy. Speaking of minutes, the film’s pacing was brutal at times. I had to seriously fast-forward some of the “feasting” scenes because they seriously ran over 2 to 3 minutes. I understand if you’re proud of your special effects, but shit man, try being proud of your storyline as well.

I will give the film its props for having no sympathy for its characters and for ending in a funny/ironic “fuck it” sort of way. The only problem is that I had already said “fuck it” about twenty minutes into the movie. Someone shoot this fucker out of a cannon.

The Hidden Message: Circus people are kind of people too.