I'll start this off pleasantly, I love The Burning Dead. Love it. It's got absolutely nothing going for it, and I fucking love it. It's my second favorite worst movie ever.

Unfamiliar with the movie? I'm not surprised, since it would be hard pressed to find any kind of info on it on this crazy world wide web of ours. I did quite a bit of searching after unearthing this gem via a six pack of crappy movies, and found only a one paragraph review. Let's start this little festival into goofiness, shall we?

If you're like me, and enjoy the best of the worst in low budget films, you'll appreciate and whole heartedly enjoy the hell out of the opening scene/title sequence. We have our main man Jim Reed (brought to life by D. Vincent Ashby) driving his car down the road with extreme purpose and intent. As he sings along to a completely different opening title song (I'd like to think this was a cruel joke played on him by the crew) and smoking with a passion that this smoker of over ten years has never seen. He lights his cigarette and grabs it as if it was a strippers' ass, and he was never made aware of strip club etiquette, flicking it the same way. I could honestly write this entire review based on D. Vincents' performance in the first two minutes of the movie, it's that entertaining. On the credit note, one fun little tidbit is that no director is credited with the movie, this goes for the end titles as well.

Jim finally makes it to his hometown of Maxwell, which is made apparent since we see a shoddy 'welcome' sign that's all painted up by possible neighborhood toughs to read 'Welcome to MaxHELL!', which couldn't really fill a traveling man with easy feelings coming back home. We get our first glimpse into Jim's possible madness directly after this, as smoke appears in his back seat and he freaks out, pulls over, and proclaims 'WHAT THE HELL?', then casually drives off.

In the next scene we have Jim showing up and having an insanely entertaining conversation where D. Vincent attempts humor at some points, then adding his over the top acting when someone brings up the fire that decimated the town years ago. He goes on for a possible thirty seconds, poorly describing the fire, creating more comedy than with his attempt a minute prior.

D. Vincent is just about the worst actor I've ever witnessed, which again, lends to the comedic aspect of the movie. The video and editing is atrocious, but watch-able, especially if you're a fan of low budget bad-ness. The sound is surprisingly okay, which is the only thing that could hold it's own in this if you were watching it as a serious film. This isn't the same for the sound FX and score, however, as they're equally as bad as the movie itself.

Another pleasant, although horrific, surprise was the nude scene we actually get out of the movie. Early on Jim meets up with his childhood friend and they talk for a bit, finally coming upon the topic of a teacher they once had that they still hold strong erections for. ("She gave all the boys in town a hard on!" "She was the thing of fantasy for me, FOR YEARS SHE WAS!") after some scat talk like this, only one thing can calm down the monster in Jim's pants and that's a nice hot shower. The aforementioned horrific part would include an ass shot of Jim getting fully nude for his shower, obviously D. Vincent is strictly method. He gets in, and starts lathering up when he's taken aback by his old school hard on inducer, Miss Reese. We get our small T&A (although hers aren't) shot as they start into some heavy petting and tonsil hockey. Soon, the smoke appears and we're treated to a back shot of Miss Reese full of burn marks and scars, then a close shot of the two, leaving Jim getting his swerve on with a corpse. He, of course, flips out and...well, much like most of the scenes in the movie, it fades out with hardly any scene resolution.

This movie is full of terrible but very very (especially to the MST3K crowd) humorous scenes like this. Everything from the camera work to the special effects are laughable at best, but again, for all the right reasons. It could have easily been a short, since many of the scenes are Jim rehashing his sob story about insomnia and unemployment in each one or talking to ghosts only to have them turn into corpses.

This movie is beat for beat the worst dialogue delivered ever, from all actors. It's fucking terrible. But that's where it's charm lies. My star rating on this one is from an actual solid film standpoint, but rest assured if you or your friends are looking for something to sink beers and laugh to, you won't find a better movie than The Burning Dead.

It can be found in a 6 movie pack entitled Depraved Degenerates from Pendulum Pictures for under six bucks at any Best Buy or Circuit City.