When ‘8 Films to Die For’ hit theaters, we were promised to see horror flicks that were too disturbing and graphic to be individually released when it was really just a clever way to capitalize on the Halloween season. Most of the films didn’t have any more violence than Hostel or other recent graphic wide releases. What we got was a cluster of semi-independent horror films that probably couldn’t have drawn large audiences on their own. Craig Singer’s contribution, ‘Dark Ride’, has everything a mainstream horror film should and could have probably been widely released on its own. Unfortunately, as the savvy horror fan knows, that’s not a good thing.

The film starts in 1989 and opens well enough as young twin sisters are brutally murdered on the Dark Ride, a horror attraction at Asbury Park. Showing a gutted tween in the first five minutes of your movie is a pretty ballsy move and the film succeeds in gaining your attention due to this. During the opening credits, we learn that the killer is caught and sentenced to life in a mental institution. Now, in modern times, we meet five college students intent on spending their spring break in New Orleans. Cathy and Liz are your average bimbo college babes who the writers tried to provide some character for, which in most horror movies, is like trying to fuck a mannequin.; you can try all you want, but it’s not going to work. Steve and Bill seem like the average college guys. One talks about chicks and fucking, the other is the shy, geeky, movie-buff friend who’s tagging along. Finally there’s Jim, the obvious comic relief drug-head/sex fiend who is driving this smorgasbord of just-enough talent to their destination. En route, they pick up Jen who’s doing her best Baby Firefly impression as a sexy, eccentric hitchhiker. After finding a flyer for the reopening of the Dark Ride, the group decides it’d be a good idea to save on gas and sneak inside the amusement ride in hopes to find a spooky place to sleep for the night. For such a movie buff, you’d think Bill would’ve seen ‘Funhouse.’ What the gang doesn’t know is that the aforementioned psychopath has escaped from the institution and guess where he’s heading? If you said New Orleans, quit reading now and finish up disc two of your Laguna Beach DVD. As you can imagine, the predator returns to the Dark Ride and thins out the herd one by one and the survivors come close to figuring out the mystery behind the vicious killer. Too bad the writers forgot to give a shit about that part.

The film contains a decent amount of gory deaths, but nothing that you haven’t seen before. There’s your degutting, stabbing, splitting and the usual. The one death that’s definitely worth seeing, however, is the blowjob/slit throat scene. Surprisingly, a bit risqué, this butchering gives a whole new meaning to “spitting.”

Though the film is shot nicely and the killer’s mask is quite effective in creepiness and originality, a plot twist so visible that it can be seen by Stevie Wonder, dumbs down the 80 minutes you sat through. Also, the fact that the only scares in the movie are the incessant popping out of the ride’s monsters at the cast definitely puts a dent in the scare-factor. Though I’d consider ‘Dark Ride’ to be completely watchable* and potent at times, it would have been better off had they left the ride closed in the first place.

*Bill is played by Patrick Renna, a.k.a. the chubby redhead kid from ‘The Sandlot’ and ‘Son In Law.’